The snow is falling, my feet are stuffed in warm fuzzy slippers, and all feels right with the world. As I sit down to write this I remind myself how blessed I am to be doing the work that I love to do.
Life has definitely had its challenges over the years but I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that it’s how you choose to deal with those obstacles placed before you that will make or break you. Often we feel all alone in our struggles and that can be a scary place to be.
I remember when I was about twenty and my then-boyfriend broke up with me. It was a complete and utter blindside. To this day I don’t know what happened because I collapsed in on myself. Can anyone else relate to that? I’m sure most of you can.
Those stories bring us together in our past personal grief and show the resiliency of being able to overcome such experiences. It’s important to share them as they help others, especially the young people in our life. Though times have changed with technology, a broken heart is the same through the generations.
As a university student at the time, my grades suffered, as did my sleep, and the other person became all-consuming. I didn’t eat or go out as I sat by the phone waiting for that call telling me that it was all a terrible mistake. Functioning at any level took too much energy and seemed completely futile. I convinced myself that I’d be the first person ever to die from a broken heart.
If I look back now, I’m not sure what the turning point was that saved me from myself but I survived and moved on to other relationships and life lessons. It wasn’t the end that I thought it would be. Why does any of it matter? Well, I bet you that right now there’s someone who’s recently been dumped and is feeling like crap that may just need a shoulder to cry on and a gentle reminder that it will get better. Getting through to the other side is exhausting and trying but it’s worth it.
A relationship doesn’t always work and sometimes they end because they have to. We go in thinking with our forever hearts and fail to see that perhaps it’s not the best. Sometimes we have blinders on and don’t want to see what’s going on and other times there is no reason except that another person isn’t into you. It’s important to remember that there is life after a breakup.
Several years ago my niece and I sat at a diner. Her boyfriend had broken up with her. They’d been together for four years which was a quarter of her life. She knew nothing else. The one good thing was that she was very honest with how she felt and that helped her through the toughest parts, I think.
In that restaurant, she told me she didn’t think anyone would ever love her again. She’d convinced herself, like many of us do, that there was no future for her and she was only ever going to get that one shot. The devastation was completely real. Love at any age is an emotional reality that can cut to the core.
There’s no such thing as puppy love. Love is love. I soothed her and then took a paper napkin and wrote across the top: The Auntie Guarantee. It read: I guarantee you’ll find love again. It may be next year or it may be five years from now but I guarantee that love will find you. She kept that napkin for a long time. I don’t know if she still has it but she did eventually move on and find a world of love waiting for her.
It does happen. Don’t ever give up.
Being dumped shatters you at any age but it is quite devastating especially the true first time. So hard to believe there is more around the corner.
I couldn’t agree with you more. That broken heart is so real and hurts so bad. Thanks so much for commenting. So appreciated.
As always, great “auntie” advice. And it fits with other heart-breaks, too. When my mom was going ever deeper into dementia and my heart was breaking, one of my aunties who lived far off would phone me regularly and give me this kind of advice. It really made a difference 🙂
Thank you so much for your comment. You’re so right. It’s not just romantic love that can break our heart. The loss of a parent, friend, or significant other in your life takes a lot of courage and strength to make it through. So sorry about your mom, Norma. That’s like losing someone over and over. So difficult. xoxo