I committed to writing 3000-5000 words for every day in April. I’ve done fairly well up until today. **Heavy sigh**
I feel whiney and distracted today. The quarantine measures taken against Covid-19 are now old and boring. I know its necessary and is saving lives, but ugh–the freedom to roam has never felt so elusive. Don’t get me wrong–I love being home. I love being alone BUT I want to do it on MY terms.
I want to have the power of choice–to maybe grab my laptop and go sit in Starbucks so I can sip on a non-fat chai latte. To meet up with writer friends and feed off the creative energy. I want to curl up on the couch and write but now everyone is home 24/7. All of a sudden I want to write poetry and lament about days past.
I sleep too much. I eat too much. I watch too much *stuff*. I listen to too much Covid-19 news. I feel bad because we have so much and are blessed (and here I am whining) yet so many are suffering.
I want to go for a walk–but not right now. I want to drink–but not right now. I want chocolate–but not right now. I want to find inspiration to continue with my April writing goals–I want that now.
It’s funny because I always thought isolation would mean inspiration, but I was wrong. Perhaps on my own terms things might be different, but as the world turns, I’m at home by government directive. Every day, I’m grateful to be in Canada–my home. But no matter what, orders to stay home still feel surreal, fantastical, and unnatural.
What it comes down to is that I’m craving normalcy–
and, I’m not sure it’s coming anytime soon.
I’m sad.
3-5 K words a day is a heavy goal, Faye! I wouldn’t put that on myself on my best days, let alone now. I relate to your restlessness, as do many. I say, write that poetry! Cut yourself some slack! Find some quality movies or books to inspire you instead. That’s my two cents…and thanks for being real and sharing your feelings. We’re all in this together.
Hi Marilyn. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am restless…like always…but this is different. I guess its the uncertainty. I will do some poetry for sure but want to try and stick to the word count…call me crazy!
Hey Faye, Loved your blog message. Ir echoed so many of my thoughts! I had a sad day yesterday but forced myself out for a walk with Barry today. Don’t beat yourself up. You have written WAY more than most of us during this time. I am fumbling through marketing my book. Lamenting this loss of planned speaking gigs then feeling guilty feeling that way as I am so lucky to live at /silver Star. Breathe… and one day at a time. As they say in the musical Annie, the sun’ll come out tomorrow.” Xox Patti
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Hi Patti. Thanks so much for the kind words. Yes, we’re very fortunate to be where we are but it’s still hard, isn’t it? I ended up making my word count yesterday as I pushed myself and I was glad I did. The sadness is still there…hanging and dangling from the air around me. I’m going to be singing Annie all day today! Tooooo–MorROW you’re only a day away……xo
That probably says it all. I agree. Novelty long gone. Easy to be aimless. Surreal. Melancholic feelings beckon. The thing that is turning this thing around for me is knowing what I was created to do and doing it. No one can stop me. Not even a government injunction. I am free. I have hope. Oh look. It’s Easter.
Thanks for the perspective Nancy. You are completely right. I am free and I do have hope too. Thanks for the reminder and reality check. I did get my word count in yesterday after a friend texted and said she got hers done. Lol…that little competitive spirit kicked in and I got it done. Just keep being you. xo
Wishing I had time to write … Tutoring and editing seems to be carrying on apace and even more than before. Yikes! Can’t wait for the summer break from tutoring 🙂
I hear ya Norma. When you’re working all the time it seems there’s never enough time. For me it’s all about the feeling of being adrift.