Being a teen is difficult. I really get that. It can suck. You’re not a cute little kid anymore but you’re not a full-fledged independent adult either.
Chances are you’re still dependent on your parents already frustrated with life and bogged down with insecurities and anxiety. Now some stupid little virus shakes up the world and it’s even more screwed up.
You have ideas but nothing seems to work out the way you planned it in your head. It’s not only disappointing but it’s frikken infuriating.
Some teens go quiet with their rage as they suppress feelings they don’t know what to do with. This can be like a ticking time bomb though and the trigger could be something small.
For others, your anger may take the form of indignation or cynicism, or even rage or fury.
Have you ever been so angry that you’ve put your fist through the wall? Or maybe you yell and scream and the computer or television?
Perhaps you’ve kicked things across the room?
These types of expressions of anger where property takes the brunt of your energy or you get more defiant can be disturbing not only to you but also to your family members who are helplessly witnessing the behavior.
I want to assure you that you’re not insane. Here’s what you need to keep in mind…
According to PsychCentral.com, anger is an emotion and feeling, not a behavior. It’s normally caused by something happening in your world and is often based on fear. Things may seem out of control or so mixed up that you don’t know whether you’re coming or going? https://psychcentral.com/lib/teenage-anger/ The thing is–what are you afraid of? http://fayearcand.com/2017/09/15/auntie-says-3/
Phew…let’s look at why dealing with an emotion is a good thing.
What this means is that it’s an outside force causing an internal feeling. Does that make sense? Emotions are within you and once you identify the cause you can move toward changing things and healing. Your reaction to what ever is bothering you deep down is anger which leads to frustration and acting out.
Feeling so angry all the time when you’re a teen isn’t necessarily physically harmful but it does mean that bigger things are going on in your life that you’re not dealing with. You may not even know what they are but honestly searching your heart is the start.
You need to admit those constant feelings of anger or the sudden uncontrollable bursts are exhausting and not a lot of fun to deal with.
The scary thing about the anger and letting it take control of you is that it can lead to physical or verbal abuse, antisocial behavior (sometimes it’s much easier to hide than have to go out and see people), making poor choices like substance abuse, or simply allowing yourself to go down that proverbial rabbit hole of negativity and self-loathing.
You may already know where your anger comes from but not know how to express it. Here are some questions from Psych Central that you can ask yourself.
Teenagers dealing with anger can ask these questions of themselves to help bring about greater self-awareness:
- Where does this anger come from?
- What situations bring out this feeling of anger?
- Do my thoughts begin with absolutes such as “must,” “should,” “never?”
- Are my expectations unreasonable?
- What unresolved conflict am I facing?
- Am I reacting to hurt, loss, or fear?
- Am I aware of anger’s physical signals (e.g., clenching fists, shortness of breath, sweating)?
- How do I choose to express my anger?
- To whom or what is my anger directed?
- Am I using anger as a way to isolate myself, or as a way to intimidate others?
- Am I communicating effectively?
- Am I focusing on what has been done to me rather than what I can do?
- How am I accountable for what I’m feeling?
- How am I accountable for how my anger shows up?
- Do my emotions control me, or do I control my emotions?
I want you to seriously think about the way you’re feeling. Write things down or journal so you can get some of your thoughts and feelings out. Psych Central also has further articles on how to get a hold of your anger before it takes over your life and other coping strategies. https://psychcentral.com/lib/teenage-anger/
Always remember to be open and honest with yourself and ask for help if you need it. Here’s a link for you. https://kidshelpphone.ca
Good Luck. Stay safe. Make wise choices.
Disclaimer: Please note. I’m not a doctor or psychiatrist. Always seek medical or therapeutic advice and assistance when necessary. FEA.
In my opinion anger comes from caring too much about a certain situation and the outcome is not as you expected or want it to be. Since the moment you stop caring about the outcome, the anger disappear.
Hi Svet. You’re right. Caring too much about what others think, expectations, disappointment are huge instigators of frustration and anger. These things though are also so intrinsic to who we are as humans that its difficult to navigate. Especially for young people. I know even know, I can say to myself…”I don’t care. It doesn’t matter…” but to embrace it and believe– to live it is difficult. I’m going to add this into a follow up blog though because it definitely worth exploring. Thanks for stopping by. Totally appreciate it. xo
Great post Faye. Well written and well researched. Lots of wisdom here and helpful ideas and links.
Repressed anger can lead to depression so it needs to be understood and expressed.
There have been times when I have experienced anger and was not sure why. A technique I used was to speak to my anger. I would actually sit down and say “ Anger why are you there? What are you angry about? “ Then I would just listen – deep listening. And sure enough the anger would speak to me. I found this very helpful.
Bryan
Bryan! I love this. What a great tool! I’ll have to share this. Thanks for stopping by. xoxo
Good one Faye. A great resource for parents and kids…..starting point for conversations and a keeper to re-read. Patti
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Thanks Patti. Even if it starts one conversation and makes a difference. I’ll be happy. ox