I’ve been thinking about marriage and weddings lately, and curiosity has gotten the better of me.
How old were you when you got married? And if you’re not, will you?
I’m the 7th of 8 children and the youngest girl. My three older sisters (birth order 1,2, and 4) were all married by the age of 19 and had their first baby within a year.
I’m lucky because I became an Auntie at the ripe old age of four and the family continued to grow in a really lovely way. My sisters were like my Aunties. They welcomed me openly into their homes and I had a unique relationship with each of them I could never have realized elsewhere.
The major difference between me and my sisters was that I had no inclination to marry at a young age. I was out having way too much fun exploring the world and all its offerings. I finally married at one month shy of age 35 and had my one and only child at age 38.
There was a shift for a while to marrying at a later age, but I’m not so sure that’s still the norm as the couples seem to get younger and younger…. lol… perhaps it’s me getting older and older.
One example is a young couple I sort of know who married right out of highschool. Like I mean they graduated June 25th and married on the 26th. There was no pregnancy and no big fancy wedding—these two saw something in each other and wanted to be together forever.
So why marry? Why not live together?
I don’t have an answer to that. I do, however, find it an interesting subject to contemplate.
Do they get caught up in the fantasy of big weddings with twelve matching bridesmaids?
Nah. That doesn’t seem to be the answer either, as this last year with COVID-19 has shown us that couples still want to marry regardless of having the party, the dress, or all the fluff. In fact, it appears the couples are keeping things smaller and more intimate, but then again that may just be my perspective.
My other question to these young people is what’s the hurry?
I’m a firm believer that everyone should live alone for a year and learn to care for themselves both physically and mentally. Getting married at age 18 doesn’t allow for any personal growth as the couple goes from their parent’s home to their own (or live downstairs at their parent’s home).
Sometimes we forget that a lot of maturing and changes happen between the ages of 18 and 25.
I’ve always thought the world is your oyster—go out, explore, learn, grow, but that doesn’t seem to be the primary concern for many of these young couples.
My niece said the other day that she can see herself married by the age of 25. To my old Auntie brain that seems so young but is actually a great age. Right now she’s only 16 and single, so we’ll see what the next few years hold.
Live your own truth and do what’s right for you, but also be aware of circumstances that could change who you are.
Stay connected to your families and when you’re unsure of something or there’s a voice in the back of your head asking questions, don’t be afraid to seek someone out that you trust to talk to.
And, if you’re under the age of 18 and you want to marry—sorry, imo, you’re too young and the romantic notion of marriage is just that… a fantasy notion. Marriage is a lot of hard work and takes maturity and dedication. If a relationship is going to last, then waiting for a year or two won’t hurt it.
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