Auntie Says, Auntie Says...

If You’ve Ever had to Pop-A-Squat on the Side of a Road or Pee on a Tree… I Get it. I’ve Been There! But…Yes, There’s Always a But…

You’re on a road trip and there’s always those desperate moments of having to go…like, now!

You pass a road sign and it says the next town is still 50 miles away. You know you’re not going to make it and the decision is made.

With a sharp crank of the steering wheel you pull off to the side and dig through your purse seeking a couple of unused tissues. Nature calls.

For ladies, the choice to pop-a-squat can be done in one of two ways–both with their own pros and cons.

First Choice: tuck in tight against the car so no one can spot you–or so you think–and pray the lay of the land is headed in the reverse direction as liquid will take the path of least resistance.

Let’s face it, you don’t want to get soaked.

The con to this first choice is proximity to the road. Cars and trucks will whiz (sorry) by and some may even pull in beside your car.

That happened to me once but my husband was there to engage said puller-overers until I’d finished my business.

As I suddenly emerged from my non-private nook, a look of surprise greeted me and then was replaced by the dawning of understanding. There’s really nowhere to hide.

Another time, (note to self–pee at the gas station before hitting the highway) I was doing my business and it was taking frikken forever….like omg come on already…anyway, I’m in my crouch (is that tmi?) and a semi-truck goes by and lays on his horn.

I’m sure he saw me scramble to save myself from going ass-over-tea-kettle down the sharp bank nearby.

I tried to catch up with him in the next town just so I could honk at him…but he was long gone. lol…

Second Choice: is to walk further away from your vehicle and squat over a scruff of grass or find a spot where you can do your business in relative peace.

Now, always be mindful of cacti, spiders, poison ivy, and any other “foreign” objects to your tooshie.

Make sure nothing moves and that when your attention is elsewhere, something creepy doesn’t decide to climb into your pant leg. Ensure there isn’t a nearby hornets nest, bear scat, or skunks… I’m sure you get the picture.

It’s not easy when you really gotta go…unless you’re a guy that is.

Oh man, stand by the side of the road and let ‘er rip. Ahhhh….

or

Venture off the road a ways and bingo-boppo, all done.

It doesn’t seem fair (I’m actually a wee bit jealous–shh). But that’s life.

There is a bigger BUT though…

Recently, my next door neighbor had a crew of guys doing some work around their yard.

I took the dog for a walk and when I returned, I saw one of the workers–just a young guy, maybe 19 years old–peeing against the rocks on our property.

Now to be fair… the area is large, semi-rural, and he was nowhere near our house. It is though, a residential neighborhood and it was around 11am. He was clearly visible from every direction.

His back was to me and I shouted “Hey Dude, whatcha doing?”‘

Poor kid. He zipped up, kept his back to me, and side-stepped back to his work as he mumbled sorry over and over again.

What it came down to, is that he forgot where he was.

If you need to stop on the highway and take a pee, that’s one thing but you don’t whip it out in a public setting and do your business.

You have to remember that there are people everywhere, and most of those people walk around with a camera all the time.

People can video you without you even realizing it. Imagine if that would’ve happened with this young man. It could have gone to his boss or been splashed all over social media.

Manners people. Please.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. If you have access to a toilet (he did btw)…use it.

Don’t be stupid. A little common sense goes a long way.

Auntie Lesson:

First of all, in your car, always carry tissue and a little zipper baggie to put any waste into. That can be a life-saver. Make a little kit to keep in the trunk…include sanitizing wipes. Never leave anything behind in nature.

…and Second. Remember, there’s always someone watching. Don’t get caught with your pants down especially when there are alternatives. Have a good week.

(Pic source: World Reference Forums)

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10 thoughts on “If You’ve Ever had to Pop-A-Squat on the Side of a Road or Pee on a Tree… I Get it. I’ve Been There! But…Yes, There’s Always a But…”

  1. This was hilarious – and brilliant. I laughed so much I wanted to pee. Pun intended. When COVID closed all the washrooms I had to keep a jar with me in the car for those longer drives. And believe me I have had to use it a few times !

    1. Lmao! Thanks Bryan. I’m so glad you commented and shared your story. I too am now laughing and will avoid the jar rolling around in the back if I ever ride in your car. That is too too funny!
      Thanks for stopping by. I hope your writing is going well. xo

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