Don't arrive reeking of pot or alcohol. It's a real turn off. Don't assume that you can just light up in the back yard and think that others won't be offended. If you're a smoker--tobacco, vape, or weed--ask the host/hostess where you should smoke BEFORE lighting up.
You have to remember, I grew up being ashamed of my brown skin, always being told that "Indians" are dirty and lazy and stupid. When a child hears that, repeatedly, it becomes their truth. A person, like an adoptive mother, is difficult to ignore. My dad never said those things.
Living this way is not only exhausting but unsustainable. You'll burn yourself out constantly doing things for others and neglecting yourself. This is a time for self care and that means learning to say NO.